saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She announced her abortion via fbk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
