She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we're so committed to being not committed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
