we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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