you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
