Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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