I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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