my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
