i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
