I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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