And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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