Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
