i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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