Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
