apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
