youre lurking in front of me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry about my life...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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