if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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