belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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