You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
