Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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