He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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