I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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