I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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