Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
