where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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