i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
