i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
