everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
