You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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