Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
