I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
