While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
