Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
