At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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