you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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