Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
