I just saw a hot homeless man
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
