why didn't you poke me back
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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