ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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