I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
