We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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