my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
