It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
