I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
