Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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