Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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