He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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