1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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