you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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