You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
