We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
