my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
